If Not Today, When? Breaking Free from the Mixed Messaging Trap

As mums, we’ve all heard the line, “Put your own oxygen mask on first.”

It’s everywhere—on planes, in self-help books, on well-meaning Instagram posts.

And it sounds great in theory. The message is clear: take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

Simple, right?

Except, it’s not.

Because society doesn’t really mean it.

Instead, it whispers (or sometimes screams), “Oh, but before you get round to putting your own oxygen mask on, could you just handle this list of 50 things?”

The kids, the partner, the house, the job, the errands... Oh! And remember to smile while doing it all…

And before you’re even halfway through the list, before you even think about breathing deeply, *bam*—more things get added.

Laundry you forgot, emails you didn’t send, a child’s missing shoe that somehow becomes your responsibility.

Suddenly, you’re suffocating, and there’s no oxygen mask in sight.

The Guilt Trip of Self-Care

Let’s talk about the kicker: when you finally ‘dare’ to prioritise yourself, the world has the audacity to judge.

Taking 20 minutes for a workout? “Must be nice.”

Choosing not to volunteer for the school fundraiser? “Oh, but we were counting on you.”

Spending money on your own health or well-being? “Couldn’t that go toward the kids?”

The message is loud and clear: if you don’t put yourself last, you’re somehow selfish or indulgent.

But let’s get real—what’s actually selfish is a society that expects mums to run on fumes, shames them for recharging, and then wonders why burnout is at an all-time high.

The Shift Starts Here

So, here’s the hard truth: no one is coming to hand you an oxygen mask.

If you don’t grab it for yourself, it’s not happening.

And yes, that means some people might have to fend for themselves.

Your partner might need to pack the lunches.

Your kids might need to fold their own clothes (and you have to let go of any perfection you have around how they do it...)

Your friend might need to find another carpool backup.

But here’s what else it means: you’ll start showing up as a version of yourself you haven’t seen in a while.

Calm.

Energised.

Engaged.

Focused.

You’ll start doing more than surviving the daily grind—you’ll actually start living.

It doesn’t take some massive overhaul or grand gesture. It starts with one small step.

- Drinking water before your coffee.

- Taking 5 minutes to stretch in the morning.

- Wearing a patch to support your body’s energy and calm.

- Saying no to something that drains you. (I’ll be doing another post on this one soon!)

Focusing on just one small step each day, and over time, these actions build a version of you who feels unstoppable.

And in a week, a month, a year!

You’ll look back and thank the version of you who started today.

Let Them Handle the List

Here’s the thing: when you put yourself first, you’re not abandoning your family—you’re empowering them.

By stepping back from the never-ending list, you’re teaching them resilience, independence, and the value of their own oxygen masks.

So, if not today, when?

Because another week, month, or year will pass.

The list will still be there.

The demands will still pile up.

But if you choose yourself now, even in the tiniest way, the future mum looking back at you in the mirror will be eternally grateful.

And that version of you?

She’s strong, vibrant, and unapologetically alive.